“I’m passionate about changing people’s perceptions about ability. It opens up people’s minds about what is possible in life, despite our perceived limitations and challenges.”
Being born without arms has not stopped Nicky Abdinor in any way from her pursuit of her goals in life. Her achievements speak for themselves – she is an international keynote speaker, a certified clinical psychologist and the founder of a non-profit organisation called ‘Nicky’s Drive’.
Originating from Cape Town, South Africa, where she runs her clinical practice and non-profit organisation, Abdinor has been a credible agent of change and an inspiration to people around the world, who have watched her share her story on stage.
Despite her physical disabilities, she has travelled the world to speak at conferences across Africa, Europe, the USA, Australia and the Middle East.
Nicky is a member of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa (PSASA) and the Global Speakers Federation (GSF). More prominently, she had the honour of speaking at a TEDx event back in 2013 titled: ‘Driving Dreams: Nicky Abdinor at TEDx Table Mountain’.
She was recently awarded the “Speakers Hall of Fame” Award for 2022, one of the highest speaking achievements amongst her peers.
Whether we are able bodied or not, there are lessons we can all learn from a motivated individual like Nicky who possesses a ‘can-do’ attitude. She shared her journey with us on how she became a clinical psychologist and subsequently setting up her non-profit organisation called ‘Nicky’s Drive’, among other impressive achievements.
EARLY LIFE
Tell us more about your family background and share with us on what it was like growing up.
I grew up in South Africa in a small town called East London. I was born without arms and shortened legs, something that my parents were not prepared for as there were no scans in those days. There is no medical explanation for my disability.
Despite it being such a shock to my parents (and the doctor!), I’m very grateful that they decided to focus on what I CAN do. They never asked themselves, “Can Nicky do this?” but rather, “HOW can Nicky do this?” I naturally used my feet to play, draw and learn to write while my friends used their hands. I have a younger brother and two older sisters. I think growing up in a small town had many advantages, especially growing up with a physical disability.
My parents never hid my disability and I think that everyone in the town got to know me as a very active and happy young girl! While inclusive education was not yet a law in South Africa, I’m thankful that teachers saw my potential and I attended mainstream schooling. The excellent schools I attended in my younger years certainly account for who I am today.
I was encouraged to take part in all activities and really loved swimming in my younger years. While I wasn’t always able to take part in all physical activities as I grew older, I really took “focusing on what I CAN do” to heart and excelled at speech and drama and academics.
How did your upbringing shape the person you are today?
Feeling included and loved unconditionally has had a profound effect on the person I am today. Having my family, my teachers and my friends believe in me is a great gift.
JOURNEY
How and why did you decide to become a motivational speaker as well as a clinical psychologist respectively?
Clinical Psychologist
When I was in high school, I met a new friend who struggled with depression and anxiety. It was the first time that I understood how a psychological challenge could impact your independence just as much as how a physical challenge can.
I saw how a psychologist helped my friend cope with panic attacks and anxiety, it inspired me to follow this career path. I think the importance of understanding “hidden” disabilities is so crucial in society, especially today with there being such a mental health crisis during the pandemic.
Motivational Speaker
As a clinical psychologist, we are not trained to speak about ourselves (we are expert listeners!) so becoming a motivational speaker and sharing my personal story evolved much later in my career. I founded a non-profit organisation called Nicky’s Drive in 2011. The organisation was inspired by how my life changed when I was given the opportunity to drive a specially adapted car. My car was donated to me in 2001 by a lady in the UK with a very similar disability to mine.
The technology for me to drive is not available in South Africa, so this donation made a profoundly positive effect on my mobility and independence. I started Nicky’s Drive to support people with disabilities in South Africa with the same “Dream to Drive.” We fund car adaptations that are locally fitted in South Africa.
My motivational speaking career began when I was looking at various fundraising opportunities for Nicky’s Drive. At the time, I had been requested to give talks at various events. I joined Toastmasters and reignited my love for public speaking which had been a big part of my school years.
In the past 10 years, my speaking career has catapulted and I am so lucky to have been invited to speak across the world! A portion of my speaking fee is donated to Nicky’s Drive and many organisations have provided additional donations after hearing the story of Nicky’s Drive.
Share with us some experiences, moments or stories you think are significant to your journey so far.
With three primary career focuses: my psychology practice, my speaking business and running a non-profit, I have had to take extra care to make sure that I balance my time well to prevent burnout.
Pre-pandemic, I was travelling regularly to conferences, so I had to limit my psychology practice to ensure that my therapy clients still get the support and care needed. I know what my limits are and believe strongly in giving my best in everything that I do – this means setting good boundaries, limiting the number of clients I can see and also making sure that I am looking after myself.
The pandemic has brought a new challenge, with work going online in my practice and having to present at virtual speaking events. I am proud of how I have adjusted (as well as my clients) to such an unexpected change. It brings me back to focusing on what I CAN do!
ACHIEVEMENTS
Which achievements/milestones are you most proud of and why?
Being accepted to do a Masters in Clinical Psychology at Stellenbosch University. The programme is highly competitive and only 8 students are selected each year out of hundreds of applications.
Obtaining my driver’s licence – on the first try! I never imagined I’d be able to drive taking into account the severity of my physical disability. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how incredible it is to be able to drive HANDS-FREE!
What do you think are the key ingredients to your success?
I consider myself a “realistic optimist” – I think it’s a good balance to be hopeful and optimistic while acknowledging that not everything can go exactly the way you want it to (being open to your vulnerability). I work hard and really appreciate the opportunities, connections and experiences that I have been able to enjoy.
Share with us some stories of people you have inspired and what kind of impact does your own story have on their lives?
The first memory I have where I realised that “my story” can have an impact on others is when a high school classmate wrote in my final year message: “You taught me a lot about life and I owe you one for that.” I’ve never forgotten these words.
A few years later, in my first job as a clinical psychologist, I had an interaction with a patient in the hospital that made a huge impact on me. The patient had been in a car accident and lost both an arm and leg. When she was referred to me for therapy, she had no idea that I would also have a physical disability. She kept saying throughout our session, “Nicky, how did you get a job?”
In her mind, her new disability meant the end of her future and she was amazed to have an example of someone who challenged that belief system. It was at that moment that I realised that I had a “responsibility” to share my story. We have so many great role models for disability in sport, we need more role models for disabilities in various careers.
I know that my disability gives me “credibility” in my work as a psychologist. Clients know that I have overcome my own challenges (without even knowing my story) and this perhaps makes me more approachable and credible.
I have had many people give me feedback after my talks to say that my message resonated with them and that they will take away practical tools to implement in their own life. I am touched when I hear that many people say they remember my message years later after hearing me speak. I feel it’s important to be able to make sustainable changes in our attitudes and approach to life.
PERSONAL (LIFE)
How does a typical day look like to you now?
I divide my time between my psychology therapy practice, speaking at conferences and events (now mostly online during the pandemic), and my work for Nicky’s Drive.
To you, what are the most important things in life?
~ Finding meaning and purpose in what I do.
~ Having quality over quantity with connections/relationships in life.
~ Finding a balance that allows me to work and play (and have fun!).
What are you most passionate about in life and why?
I’m passionate about changing people’s perceptions of ABILITY. It opens up people’s minds about what is possible in life despite our perceived limitations and challenges.
What are some life lessons you will take to your grave?
~ Focus on what you CAN do
~ Learn to tolerate uncertainty
~ Develop an attitude of gratitude
VIEWPOINTS
How does your background in psychology help you to get through challenges in life?
While studying psychology, I realised that many of the principles I was learning about, I had been applying to my life growing up. This is especially true for Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT). The basic premise is that it’s not the SITUATION, but how you THINK about the situation, that determines your emotional response.
A quote from Viktor Frankl’s book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ that has always resonated with me goes like this: “When we are no longer able to change our situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
What do you do when you find yourself feeling down on certain days?
I know that when I’m feeling stressed, frustrated or down, I need to look at the messages that I might be sending to myself. I can ask myself if the thoughts I have are rational or helpful – if not, I can look at ways of approaching the situation differently. It’s not about suppressing the negative emotions (they are a normal part of life), but it is more about having self-compassion.
You shared your theoretical approach saying “We must not ignore what is wrong, but focus more on what is right.” Could you elaborate on this?
This approach is not my own – rather it comes from ‘Positive Psychology’. It ties in well with my “Focus on what you CAN do” philosophy. If I had to focus on all the things I CAN’T do, I know that I’d be very despondent. I need to acknowledge and accept my own challenges and limitations (not ignoring what is wrong) and invest more energy in focusing on what is RIGHT.
What general advice would you give to someone who has to deal with a certain disability in his or her life?
I recommend that they form a “tribe” of people and resources that can give them the support they need. So often, people feel a relief to meet others overcoming similar challenges to their own and this can be extremely empowering.
They should also focus on what they CAN do! Recognise that they have unique talents and abilities that can be developed in a supportive and nurturing environment.