“One person has the power to initiate a change and if we all do it collectively, things will be changed.”

Known for his “urban gardening” endeavours, Ron Finley took the stage on TEDxtalk in early 2013 and blew the audience away with his advocacy and passion for urban gardening. Ron initially started gardening to decrease the effects of the food apartheid in which his own neighborhood existed, encouraging healthy eating habits, and beautifying the land.

Ron is not one who backs down when it comes to causes he believes in. It all started in 2010 when Ron first dug up the strip of land between his house and the street, known as the parkway, and started planting fruits and vegetables. The laws in Los Angeles made it illegal to plant anything on those parkways but he eventually got the city of Los Angeles to change the law. It propelled Ron into a pioneering new career: ‘Gangsta Gardener’.

Ron created the non-profit organization, The Ron Finley Project, which aims to teach communities how to transform food deserts into food sanctuaries, in South Central Los Angeles. In addition, Ron has appeared in several documentary films about urban farming, including ‘Can You Dig This’ and ‘Urban Fruit’. His homegrown gardening course on an American online education subscription platform called ‘Masterclass’, is one of the top classes on the platform and a popular hit among its subscribers as well.

Ron shared with us about his childhood, how he started his journey, giving us insights into the role of community gardening and its impact on the people who are involved. More than that, his unique perspectives of the world and passions breathes life into his responses in our interview with him.

EARLY LIFE

Tell us more about your family background and share with us on what it was like growing up.

I grew up on a main street in South Central Los Angeles with eight siblings. The man of the house was not the best role model or person to be around. I was a homebody, but also had a lot of fun when I would go out and play, so I stayed out. My Mom worked in aerospace, so when she was home, I got to cook with her. I loved French fries, and they would tell me that when I grew up, I would turn into one because I cooked French fries all the time.

For the most part, the parts that I want to remember were fun, but also there was a lot of violence, a lot of alcohol, which I chose not to indulge in, ever. I didn’t really enjoy school, I enjoyed friends at school, but I didn’t necessarily excel in school. I had the most fun doing something that was tactile. I remembered when I was in junior high school, I wanted to take the cooking class and they wouldn’t let me because they said it was for girls, originally.

Then I told the counsellor, “Aren’t most chefs men?” So they literally started a boys cooking class because of that. At the time I didn’t see that as paradigm shifting, but as I got older, I realised it was. That’s a track I’ve been on, is to change our archaic laws and rules that don’t serve us.

How did your upbringing shape the person you are today?

My upbringing shaped me because I realised what I didn’t want to do and what I didn’t want to become. The things I saw didn’t serve me, so I was counter to a lot of the things that happened around me. I didn’t want the violence, I didn’t want the drugs, I didn’t want to be intoxicated and I didn’t want to be in a gang, so I didn’t. That’s a lot of what I saw around me and that wasn’t for me.

How would you sum up your childhood?

Beautiful, because I’m still here. My circumstances shaped me to who I am today, and without that you wouldn’t think I’m interesting enough to do a story on. I try to go through and not have any of the regrets, which, we’re all gonna have some, but release the pain and enjoy the beauty. Remember the things that made you happy. That’s why I say this now, and tell people to “operate from happy”.

JOURNEY

What got you into fashion designing and why the focus on professional athletes?

What got me into fashion designing is at a very young age I realised clothes didn’t accommodate my body or ‘black bodies’ in general. I wanted it so that I didn’t have to accommodate the clothes but that the clothes accommodated me. I wanted everything to be customised. At age 15, I had some pants tailor-made for me and I thought, if the tailor can do it, I can do it. I don’t know where I got the money from but that set me on the fashion designing journey at 15.

I wanted to express myself and I think clothes are a way to do that. My focus wasn’t necessarily on professional athletes, but my community. The athletes generally need bigger sizes and usually have the money for custom made clothing. They typically can’t walk into stores and buy things like the average sized person.

How and why did you become interested in urban gardening?

I became interested in gardening as a child in elementary school. But I didn’t realise that they didn’t give us the whole lesson at the time. They had us watch a seed grow in a wet paper towel in a petri dish. You watch this seed destroy itself to give new life and the stem and leaves come out and you think “wow that’s inside that one seed”. But that was it.

We didn’t do anything with that seed or that new life. Now I say, the school should be in the garden, not the garden in the school. We should have had somewhere to put that bean in the ground to give us hundreds of more beans and those beans would give us thousands of new beans. The lesson is that this one seed had a thousand more seeds in it.

That would have made it so much more magical to us. Growing up in an urban environment, we didn’t have anywhere to grow food. The perimeter of the property was flowers and things like that but I was always interested in growing things. What really took me deeper into urban gardening was the fast food and lack of healthy food. Everywhere you went there was convenient fast food. We didn’t realise it was conveniently taking years off our life.

When I started, it was first and foremost beautification. I just wanted to beautify my surroundings with flowers and trees and smells and colour. And then food. I remember going to the store and seeing a six pack of beautiful same sized, same shaped, tomatoes and on the package it said “May be coated with shellac to preserve freshness”.

It took me back to junior high school where we put shellac on our wood and I’m sure it’s not the exact same but that was a big spark. I realised they didn’t really care about the foods they were giving us, ‘number 6’ food dye, ‘number 2’…this and that, all these ingredients, why are they necessary to be in our food? Our food should heal you not kill you. Homicide, suicide, pesticides, fungicides, herbicides, what do they all have in common?

What were some hard decisions you had to make and challenges you faced along the way?

Hard decisions, shit waking up in the morning and thinking should I get out of bed? One of the biggest challenges I face is being judged by my skin colour. That’s every day, 365 days a year, I’m black. In this society you realise it. Not that I want to be anything else other than what I am. There aren’t really hard decisions, it’s either good or bad. A bear sleeps in the woods.

ACHIEVEMENTS

Which achievements/milestones are you most proud of and why?

Raising my three sons. And the fact that I’m able to change people’s lives and people’s thinking in regards to food and culture and looking at the growing and cultivating of food as art. With Masterclass and TED I’ve been able to spread my gospel around the world.

How many people out there can say that what they’ve done is being studied and analysed in schools and universities around the world. I’m also proud of getting the law changed in Los Angeles where you can now grow food on the parkway. And everyday, the achievement that I woke up that morning.

What do you think are the key ingredients to your success?

Tenacity, giving a fuck, not being put in a box, being dyslexic, seeing and thinking about things differently rather than the way we were trained to think about them. When you think of something like cities, I’ll ask “What are cities designed for?”, and people answer completely wrong and say “People”.

But cities are actually designed for commerce. They house people, but not to their betterment. So how do we collectively design cities so that we’re safe, where they make us healthy and have regenerative food sources and clean air and water around us?

What lies ahead in terms of your goals and ambitions?

Hopefully I’ll wake up in the morning. The present lies ahead. I try not to live in the future. I want to fix the ‘now’, because if not, we don’t have a future. Hopefully I wake up in the morning and I can start anew.

Just like the cycles of the moon or from dusk to dawn. The earth continuously changes and reawakens every day. I want to do the same and have that mindset. If we’re stuck thinking about the future we neglect the present for what it is, a present.

PERSONAL (LIFE)

What is your life motto (Or core values) if any?

Wake up, sit up, stand up, look up and don’t get caught the fuck up. Basically, my core values are bring some, get some; which turns to the golden rule, treat others as you would like to be treated.

To you, what are the most important things in life?

The most important THING in life and to your life is air. Why so? Do I really need to answer that? We’ve been trained to value things – but things give you absolutely no value. So we don’t hold value for self or our neighbours or for this planet, the soil, the water because we think it’s endless, but it’s not.

So to me, air is the single most important thing in life for everything. Try doing without it, see how that works for you. One person has the power to initiate a change and if we all do it collectively, things will be changed. That and healing this planet, when you heal your mother, you heal yourself.

What’s worth mentioning on your life’s bucket list that you have not done?

I don’t know. I don’t have a bucket list. Again, that’s the future. I guess you can say changing the rotation of the planet.

Why do you do what you do? (What drives you everyday)

I do what I do because it needs to be done. It’s in my face. If we can change something for the better we should do it. If we can show people a different way, we should do that. If we can teach, we should all do that. We’re all creatives. This is something that I feel just has to be. It might be linked back to my childhood where I wish these things were explained to me.

Like the fact that we’re on a spinning ball in outer space looking for aliens. The magic, the alchemy of this spinning ball, sustains our existence and that we are a part of nature isn’t taught and it should be . If we were taught these things we would look at this planet and ourselves differently and we would work better to heal it. How do we change man’s need for greed to a man’s need for seed?

Who are the role models and influences in your life?

Mother Nature is a role model. Smart, efficient, architecture is a role model. Art is a role model. Just beautiful design. I’m my own role model, something I didn’t have when I grew up. My goal as a teen was I wanted to become a master tailor but I had nobody around to show me how to get there.

So like a lot of things, I figured it out on my own, like how to work with leather. What we should be taught is that there isn’t one road to get to a place, there are many roads. And if there isn’t one, you make your own road. That’s what we should teach kids, be your own role model. Oh yeah, and I still want to be a master tailor.

What kind of legacy do you hope to leave behind?

I have no hopes to leave a legacy behind because it’s already done. I have three amazing sons and the work I have done has reached across the planet and changed people’s lives.

I’ve got kids from India to Africa to Compton to wherever growing food, calling themselves “gangsta gardeners”, changing their lives and changing their communities, so I think I’ve already done that. The question is what other legacy am I going to leave behind?

What are some life lessons you will take to your grave?

When you hear that question, you talk about life and death in the same sentence. If I’m dying, why am I going to take a life lesson to my grave. Ima try to keep living. A life lesson to take to the grave is that you’re gonna die. Don’t sweat the small stuff because in the end it’s all small stuff.

VIEWPOINTS

You are passionate about making healthy food available to everyone, including the underprivileged. In your opinion, how does nutritious food make a difference across various aspects of people’s lives?

If you don’t have the proper nutrition in your body, it’s not going to function the way it’s supposed to. A lot of people in a lot of countries don’t have a lot of healthy food around them. Even in privileged places like the U.S., not everyone has the privilege to get nutritious food. So you need to grow your own food. You’ll have all sorts of abnormalities, chronic diseases, brain dysfunction, and body dysfunction without these nutrients.

There’s certain nutrients that we need in our systems to function the way we should, and a lot comes from food, but also the environment. Where and how you live and what you’re exposed to. Why doesn’t our education include nutrition? From elementary school throughout the whole process of being so called “educated”.

One of the single most important things to your life is your health and we receive no knowledge of self. The beauty of hindsight. Who’s supposed to show us? Who’s supposed to teach us? That’s why I say, “beauty in, beauty out”.

On another note, you are a strong advocate of guerilla gardening – cultivating food plants or flowers on land not legally permitted for such uses. What good reasons justify such a cause? Especially when seen from the viewpoints of law-abiding citizens in America and other countries.

That’s a misnomer. I don’t believe in taking over spaces you don’t have a right to take over or property that’s not yours. I do “gangsta gardening” not guerrilla gardening, because gardening is gangsta.

We should have healthy food in our communities and spaces and everyone should have the benefit of healthy, nutritious food. I’m an advocate for humanity, that’s what I advocate for. I don’t advocate for people taking other people’s property. That would be colonialism. Did I just say that?

How does both healthy eating and guerilla gardening help reduce the impact of climate change? And what is your advice to people (especially the younger generations) who are inspired to contribute to this movement?

You’ve got plants and soil that sequester carbon, making the air fresher. You’re helping build the soil, which gives us cleaner, fresher air. When you plant things the air is filtered. Planting trees makes the air cleaner.

One of the biggest things we can do to give back to the planet is compost, compost compost. And then some more and then some more after that. If it came from the Earth you can put it back to the Earth. That’s what you should do, practice regenerative systems. Be the forest. Do not waste, heal the land, heal yourself. Learn how to grow food, harvest it and cook it.

The post Community Gardening Is Gangsta – Ron Finley appeared first on My Story Lounge.

“I learned a long time ago that I will never be the best or the fastest climber, but I don’t have to be. I just have to be absolutely relentless about putting one foot in front of the other.”

Alison Levine isn’t your typical mountain climber or polar explorer. Her unusual transition from corporate life, working for several Fortune 500 companies to becoming a deputy finance director for Arnold Schwarzenegger in his successful bid to become governor of California back in 2003, makes her background rather unique.

More than that, she has made history on several occasions:

• She served as team captain of the first American Women’s Everest Expedition, climbed the highest peak on each continent and skied to both the North and South Poles—a feat known as the Adventure Grand Slam—which only twenty people in the world have achieved.
• In January 2008, she made history as the first American to complete a 600-mile traverse across west Antarctica to the South Pole, following the route of legendary explorer Reinhold Messner. Levine completed this arduous journey on skis while hauling 150 pounds of her gear and supplies in a sled harnessed to her waist.
• She made history again in 2016 when she completed two first ascents: Hall Peak in Antarctica and Khang Karpo in Nepal.

Her success in extreme environments is noteworthy given she has had three heart surgeries and suffers from Raynaud’s disease, which causes the arteries that feed her fingers and toes to collapse in cold weather—leaving her at extreme risk for frostbite.

Adding to her stellar resume, she is a New York Times best-selling author of the book called: ‘On the Edge: Leadership Lessons from Mount Everest and other Extreme Environments’ and a film-maker who executive produced the documentary film called ‘PASANG’ (www.pasangmovie.com). The film chronicles the life of Pasang Lhamu Sherpa (1961-1993), the first female Sherpa to summit Mt. Everest.

Such are her remarkable achievements, driven by a burning passion to explore extreme environments and some of the most inhospitable places on earth. We spoke to her to find out how she got started on this journey and how she tackled the challenges faced, in order to reach the pinnacle of her successes.

EARLY LIFE

Tell us more about your family background and share with us on what it was like growing up.

I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, which has some of the hottest weather in the United States. I always thought I would be an air-conditioning repair woman because I figured that job would be in high demand and would offer a lot of job security.

I was the middle child in between two brothers. My parents took a very “tough-love” approach to raising us. My mom’s rules were, “no whining, no crying, and no complaining.” This type of mindset has its advantages and disadvantages of course. The advantage is that it builds resilience and self-reliance. The disadvantage is that it tends to make you fearful about expressing fear, anger or sadness.

How did your upbringing shape the person you are today?

My father, Jack Levine, was an FBI agent in the 60s under J. Edgar Hoover. He was the first Special Agent to ever publicly speak out against Hoover and tried to get him investigated for all of the unethical things he was doing. Hoover was one of the most powerful people in the nation at the time, and no government agencies were willing to investigate him – no one would touch him. Hoover sought revenge on my father and ruined his career. But of course after Hoover died, all of his illegal and unethical dealings were revealed, and my father was vindicated.

Growing up as the daughter of Jack Levine shaped who I am today because he taught me that you call out the wrongs that you witness, even if it costs you everything. AND…you go down swinging.

How would you sum up your childhood?

One word: Strength-building.

JOURNEY

How and why did you get interested in mountain-climbing, polar exploration and subsequently film-making respectively?

Mountain-climbing & polar exploration

Growing up in Phoenix, I was always intrigued by the early Arctic and Antarctic explorers and the early mountaineers. I loved reading about all of these expeditions – because it felt like an escape from the oppressive summer heat (average high temperature in August of last year was 110 degreesF/43.3 C).

But I never thought I would actually go to any of these places because I was born with a hole in my heart, so I faced some health challenges. I had my first heart surgery when I was 17, and then another when I turned 30.

And after that second surgery this lightbulb went on in my head and I thought, “If I want to know what it’s like to cross Antarctica on skis, then I should go do it instead of reading about it. If I want to know what it’s like to try to climb a big mountain, I should go climb one instead of watching climbing films. And if these other guys can go do this stuff, why can’t I?” So I climbed my first mountain at age 32 and have not stopped since.

Film-making

As far as the film-making goes… the film, PASANG, is about the first female Sherpa to summit Mt. Everest, and I got involved as the executive producer on the film because I think it is important for the world to know about strong women who broke through gender barriers in pursuit of their dreams. The subject of the film, Pasang Lhamu Sherpa, died while descending the mountain in 1993, so she never got the chance to tell her story. I wanted to make sure it got told.

What was the personal development process like for you?

In addition to all of the physical training involved, I tried to read about various failed expeditions so I could analyze why they failed. Not only the accounts of teams that didn’t reach the summit, but also the accounts of expeditions that had severe injuries or deaths.

I wanted to know what went wrong and what could have led to a better outcome. Sometimes tragic consequences are due to things that are out of your control, but other times they are preventable.

What are some hard decisions you had to make and tough challenges faced along the way?

Turning back from the summit of Mt Everest less than 300ft/70 meters from the summit in a storm in 2002. We were the first American Women’s Everest Expedition so we had quite a lot of media coverage, and it’s always hard to fail when you are in the public eye.

We had to do a big media tour after the expedition and talk about how we did not achieve our goal of getting to the summit. Talking about your failures over and over on national television and in print media can feel like a punch to the gut after a while.

ACHIEVEMENTS

Which achievements/milestones are you most proud of and why?

I am most proud of my work in western Uganda where I trained jobless women to work as porters and trekking guides on Mt Stanley which is in the Rwenzori Mountain range and is the highest peak in Uganda. Prior to our work over there, these women had to rely on prostitution survive. Once they were trained to work in the mountains, they were able to earn a sustainable living wage, which was a game-changer for them.

Outside of the mountains, I am most proud of my work in leadership development and helping people of all ages and in all different job functions become stronger leaders. I spent four years on the part-time faculty at the United States Military Academy at West Point where I lectured in the Department of ‘Behavioral Sciences and Leadership’.

I also speak more than 100 times a year at corporate conferences around the globe, sharing the leadership lessons I have learned in the mountains and advising people on how to lead (in business and in life) in a world where the conditions around you are constantly shifting and changing. I am incredibly proud of this work, because I get to have a positive influence on thousands of people every year, and that feels really great!

What do you think are the key ingredients to your success?

The key ingredient to my success, in the mountains and in my personal/professional life, is my determination. I learned a long time ago that I will never be the best or the fastest climber, but I don’t have to be. I just have to be absolutely relentless about putting one foot in front of the other.

What lies ahead in terms of your goals and ambitions?

I am incredibly excited to be working with Seabourn Cruises in their launch of a new polar icebreaker ship – the Seabourn Venture. This ship is being built specifically to go to the Arctic and Antarctic regions, as well as other regions that would be nearly impossible to get to by plane. The ship is scheduled to be finished in the Spring of 2022. I am the godmother of the ship, an honor that stays with me as long as the ship is in service.

I am looking forward to being part of the effort to get more people to embark upon adventures that will take them to the ends of the earth. One of my personal goals is to get more people to have an adventurous mindset, as these experiences are life-changing for people.

PERSONAL (LIFE)

To you, what are the most important things in life?

The most important things in life involve showing the people you care about that they are important to you. I can live without mountains. I can live without money. I cannot live without connection/love. People are more important than anything else. ANYTHING.

And one thing I have learned is that a few kind words of support can completely change the outcome of a situation for someone who is struggling. You have to show up for people. Period.

And if I could change anything in this world, I would “cure” loneliness. I think a lot of people feel very desperate because they feel lonely, as if no one cares about them. This is one reason we lose people to suicide.

What’s worth mentioning on your life’s bucket list that you have not done?

I have always wanted to start a dog-rescue. I love dogs so much. SO SO SO MUCH!!! I want to kiss every single dog that walks by me. Sometimes I do it (if the owner gives me permission).

Why do you do what you do? (What drives you everyday)

I know that my words have the ability to change people’s lives for the better. There is no better feeling than when I get off stage and someone comes running up to me and tells me about a challenge they now feel confident they can overcome.

Or when they tell me they are going to look at their set-backs as pure opportunity, or when they tell me they are going to make massive changes in their life that they were previously in fear of making. This is why I do what I do. I figure if I can make people think, laugh, learn, and then take action – I’ve done my job.

Who are the role models and influences in your life?

My mom’s cousin, Jack Terry is a major role model for me. He is 91 years old and lives in New York. He is a holocaust survivor and was the youngest prisoner to survive the Flossenbug concentration camp. He grew up in Poland, and his parents and siblings were shot and killed by the Nazis, so when the Americans came to liberate the camp, he had NOTHING. No family, nowhere to go.

But an American army officer helped get him to the US where he was eventually adopted by a family in New York. He refused to let his past prevent him from living his best life. He went to college and went on to serve in the American army because he was so grateful to them for rescuing him, and if that was not enough, he went to medical school and became a psychiatrist because he wanted to help people with PTSD.

Whenever I am having a sh*t day, I think of him and his outlook on life and all of his contributions. I am inspired by him every day. EVERY. DAY.

What are some things that many people don’t know about you?

I am an extreme introvert. And when I say extreme, I mean EXTREME.

What are you most passionate about in life and why?

Well, besides DOGS, I am most passionate about helping people develop their leadership skills so that they can achieve more than they ever thought possible.

What are some life lessons you will take to your grave?

~ When you see bad sh*t going on, call it out.

~ Don’t ever underestimate the power of a few kind words.

~ When you hear “no” – don’t let that be your stopping point.

~ You don’t have to be the best, fastest, strongest climber to get to the top of a mountain – you just have to be absolutely relentless about putting one foot in front of the other.

VIEWPOINTS

Embarking on expeditions in extreme environments comes with a fair amount of risks to human life. What are some steps you take to ensure good leadership and to create cohesive teams on such trips?

Well, this answer would require hours and hours of writing. It’s all about building trust and loyalty, while also displaying competence during times of extreme uncertainty.

I wrote an entire book about this – ON THE EDGE: Leadership Lessons from Mt. Everest and Other Extreme Environments.

Despite having three heart surgeries and being a sufferer of Raynaud’s disease, you continue to embark on expeditions with extreme environments. What’s the rationale behind this? What can people with underlying medical conditions who have that same train of thought do to mitigate their own risks?

First of all, talk to your doctor before you embark on anything that could put your health at risk.

The reason I still embark on expeditions is because my heart condition is now cured, and the problems associated with my Raynaud’s can usually be alleviated with hand-warmers.

You are the founder of the Climb High Foundation, a nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of jobless women in western Uganda by training them to be trekking guides and porters in their local mountains. How can more women facing similar circumstances be empowered to take control of their own lives this way? In Africa and around the world.

Prior to me going to work with these women in Uganda and taking them up into their local mountains, they had no opportunity to make money because women were not permitted to climb these mountains – it was considered “taboo” in their culture. For generations, women just assumed that they could not step into the mountains because people told them they couldn’t go.

And believe it or not, no one ever asked WHY. And as it turned out, there was no real reason why women could not climb or work in these mountains. It simply had been status quo and no one had challenged it.

So one big step women can take to empower themselves is to ask questions and CHALLENGE THE STATUS QUO. The only way progress happens is when people ask questions. Step up and ask. Don’t accept the explanation of “it has always been this way.”

And when someone tells you, “no” – it doesn’t mean you have to walk away from an opportunity. Be persistent, stand your ground. Don’t just give up every time someone tells you “no.”

The post Challenge The Status Quo – Alison Levine appeared first on My Story Lounge.

“The best thing that ever happened to me is being born without arms. It brought me circumstances I never thought possible.”

In the early 1960’s, over 13,000 babies around the world were born with deformities as a direct result of Thalidomide – a drug prescribed to relieve morning sickness. Alvin Law was one of them. In his case, just a couple of the tiny pills were enough to cause him to be born without arms.

Facing what they thought was a hopeless situation, Alvin’s birth family courageously gave him up for adoption. They hoped and prayed that their sickly, deformed newborn would somehow find a family more capable of caring for his needs. Luckily, their prayers were answered. Hilda Law was a fifty-five year old foster mother who, along with her husband, Jack, took in Alvin, nursed him back to health and have stood as his pillar of support ever since.

If you ever saw Alvin in person, one of your first reactions might be to feel a sense of pity. But don’t be fooled by his appearance. As an international speaker and bestselling author, Alvin not only travels the world to speak to crowds of captivated audiences, he has worked with over 7,500 organizations on five continents for corporate training purposes. Such companies include Merck & Company, ConocoPhillips, Kosmos Energy, Caribbean Association of Banks, Alberta Energy Regulators and GolfTec, just to name a handful.

In addition, he has appeared on over a hundred telethons and media features, and was the subject of two award winning television documentaries. Alvin was also featured on The Joan Rivers Show, CBS’s How’d They Do That, CBC’s What On Earth and ABC’s Frontrunners. To top it all off, he has played a direct role in raising over USD 225 million dollars for charity to date.

Alvin shares his life with his wife and business partner, Darlene, and Murphy, a rescue dog, in beautiful Calgary, Alberta, Canada. We caught up with him to hear more about his inspiring story, admire his positive attitude and find out how he has overcome major obstacles in his life with complete optimism.

EARLY LIFE

Tell us more about what it is like growing up with your foster parents – how did they contribute to your life and shape your perspectives?

I believe that my experience of being abandoned at five days of age by my birth parents and then a few weeks later, being placed in a foster home illustrates the power of “Nature vs Nurture”! I have no ill will towards my birth family at all. In fact, I’ve always been amazed that anyone would even want a baby like me. I’m not overly “religious” but am highly “spiritual”, convinced that this was the essence of fate.

My foster parents, “Mom & Dad”, were somewhat religious – so having a foster home was akin to doing mission work. But our home life wasn’t about bible reading or constant religious discussion. My mom’s biological children aka my brothers, John and Terry, had already left home to start their own families and lives by the time I was adopted. Mom & Dad were in their fifties when they adopted me so they had the experience and wisdom to deal with an armless child like me.

This was 1960 and deformed people like me were seen by many as freaks and outcasts, not human beings. I grew up in a community of around 10,000 people. It was a rural area where farming was the main economy.

Contrary to what people might think, I didn’t spend my childhood hidden in our home at all. In fact, I went everywhere and soon became “The Law Boy”! Furthermore, I was not only accepted, but embraced by people in the community. But I did not live an entitled life where people helped me with everything – a lot of self-reliance was emphasised during my childhood.

Describe to us the daily challenges you encountered while growing up and how you overcame them.

I had a spectacular childhood. I knew most of the other kids in my neighbourhood because we grew up together. I wasn’t excluded at all until adolescence but that wasn’t about having no arms. It was about different interests then but my early youth was also about the era for another reason. We were “free range children”! We didn’t have our parents hovering over us, not even mine.

The biggest challenges of my early years came with some irony. I was seen as a ‘medical curiosity’, so I went to countless clinics so doctors and rehabilitation experts could examine me. What really sticks out for me was the language they used. It was like I was a mistake and they needed to fix me!

Another bigger issue was my education. In 1966, handicapped children were relegated to special schools, not like the social integration we see today. My parents knew that I needed a real education as they believed that my intelligence would make up for my lack of arms. After many hurdles, I was allowed to go through a regular education. I even graduated from high school with honours!

How would you sum up your childhood?

My childhood is easy to sum up…the best!

JOURNEY

Could you share with us the moments/encounters when you first discovered your musical talents? And how did your music career flourished from there?

I lived in a home where we practiced Christianity and went to church every Sunday, that was where I started to love singing. I was also put in tap dancing classes where I learned to dance.

Although we didn’t have a piano at home, my mom took me to see a lady who gave piano lessons and while she admired my “courage”, she simply believed my toes were too short to play piano properly – it made me lose interest. But this was not the end of my music journey.

The next year, I was invited to join the school band! At first the new band director was hesitant and was unsure that I could handle the trombone, let alone play with an entire band. But eventually they came up with a solution – they mounted the trombone on the side of a wooden chair with metal rods and clamps. I used the slide with my right foot. It worked. So in 1978, I was chosen to play First Chair Trombone in Canada’s National All Star High School Jazz Band!

As a teenager, I got to go to Summer Band Camp for Jazz and that’s when I learned to play a drum set (Which I still do). After going to college, I taught myself to play the piano too! But the real highlight of it all, was the people I played music with. I have an expression I created for this: “Musicians don’t care what you look like. All they care about is, can you play? The answer…Yes I Can”!

Why did you choose to become a professional speaker?

I had no plans to become a professional speaker. But in 1976, I was asked to be an “Ambassador” for handicapped children in my home province of Saskatchewan, Canada. I started out speaking at several charity events and then at telethons to talk about how it was like to live without arms.

Back then I couldn’t see much of a financially stable future doing talks on stage. Thus I went to college to study Broadcasting. Upon graduating in 1980, I got a job as a disc jockey at an FM radio station in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada. Soon I became very popular and well known.

It was an opportune time, because the United Nations (UN) declared in 1981, The International Year of Disabled Persons. Being invited to be a guest speaker at such UN events saw my popularity rise overnight!

It didn’t take me long to realize that not only could I get paid to be a speaker, but it was really my true destiny. All the learning I did to be a broadcaster gave me the right skillset to be a speaker. And if I may humbly mention, I do have a remarkable story to tell about myself! I am proud to say that I still speak on stage today, just as I did forty years back!

What were some important lessons or things you have learnt along the way?

I am a “student of life” and an observer of people, or another way to put it – I’ve been privileged to be enlightened this way.

I didn’t realize it but I had been living a cliche. I have been “living outside the box” my whole life and constantly asked my audiences to do the same. I’d accepted my role as an advocate for people with special needs, so I had to embrace the whole notion of diversity and inclusion – action speaks louder than words.

I’ve seen the world move from so many taboos – mixed race relationships, gay marriage, LGBTQ+ and racial segregation…we’ve come so far. It’s true that “character” can’t be purchased, self esteem doesn’t start by looking in a mirror and resilience can’t exist in a bump free life. More importantly, I’ve learned that love is blind and we only get one life – so we need to make the best of it.

ACHIEVEMENTS

Which achievements are you most proud of and why?

In music

I vividly recall my first “achievement” – I got to tap dance with my troupe on local television in 1970. Then, I won my first solo competition on trombone at a local music festival and in 1978, I was chosen Lead Chair Trombone for Canada’s All Star High School Jazz band.

In 1977, I and two other Canadians represented our country at an International Red Cross Youth Camp in Norway.

I won a few other music awards too such as – ‘Saskatchewan Junior Citizen of the Year’ in 1978, ‘Canadian Junior Citizen of the Year’ in 1982 and I was named the first ever ‘Mount Royal College Most Distinguished Alumni’ in 1983.

In 2016, I got to play drums for an awesome promotional video for the Rio Paralympics, “The Real Superhumans”! The highlight? We recorded the soundtrack at the famous Abbey Road Studios in London.

In speaking

In 2009, I received my Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) designation, an honour where less than 10% of all professional speakers in the entire world are able to attain.

In 2013, I was inducted into the Canadian Professional Speakers Hall of Fame. In 2018, I was also inducted into the Canadian Disability Hall as well.

In acting

In 1996, I played a character on the hit television series, “X-Files”.

In relationship

To top it all off, one of my biggest achievements was meeting my wife and business partner, Darlene in 1991. I convinced her to marry me two years later…that’s a huge achievement!

How do you usually connect with your audience as a speaker?

It’s difficult to pick one thing that I do to connect with my audience. But I could share my experience connecting with kids as a speaker.

Back in 1981, after I quit my radio job to become a speaker, I was going to schools to give talks where 90% of the time, my audience were children. And if you know kids well enough, they are very observant and curious – they can spot a phoney person from a mile away.

During that time, I used a technique to coincide with the topic I was speaking about, on ‘Disability awareness’. Walking onto a stage or gymnasium floor with 500 kids’ eyes on you can be intimidating. But remember that I was also a musician.

So I would walk out and ask the students and teachers to close their eyes and not look at me for 30 seconds while I played a single snare drum. After 20 seconds or so, I’d tell them they could open their eyes to watch while I played a bit more. Then I helped them to realise that when they closed their eyes, they most probably didn’t think of a disabled person producing those sounds on the drums. In essence, the perception of a handicap person in front of them is simply a visual illusion! It’s always about the attitude and mindset rather than the physical circumstances of someone. It worked, they understood what I meant immediately.

While my unusual body form naturally attracts people’s attention, my wife Darlene also believes that my greatest strength is my voice. I am a trained broadcaster and have a very resonant voice that commands attention without being aggressive. Over the years, I’ve learned stagecraft, pacing and inducing humour in my content. Sharing funny stories does two things – 1) It engages my audience and 2) It makes me ‘human’ enough to connect with them.

What do you think are the key ingredients to your success?

The key to my success is mostly a mystery to me. The answer is more boring than anyone would expect but very profound as well.

It all comes down to having a support system (In this case my wife), turning my passion for speaking into a business, spending a great deal of time and money on professional development and getting access to as many international speaking gigs as possible.

Philosophically, I’ve lived my words, tried to remain humble but most importantly, I remained authentic by focusing on just being a good person.

PERSONAL (LIFE)

What do you do when you find yourself feeling down on certain days?

I owe my parents a great deal but I believe the most significant lesson I learnt was to possess gratitude.

My folks lived through “The Depression” in the 1930’s and my Dad fought in World War Two. We were a decent middle-class family so I wasn’t spoiled with stuff. And honestly, having no arms means you learn to appreciate what you have. I have experienced depression and struggled with my mental health like everyone.

On a very personal note, I had an unplanned child. Me and a girl were barely dating but somehow I got her pregnant unintentionally. We got married and stayed together but it was a disastrous one where she struggled with mental health issues and her friends were negative and mean-spirited toward me. So in 1988, we split. I actually raised my son, born in 1985, mostly on my own.

But the key to my rejuvenation was reconnecting with my old friends, avoiding my ex-wife or her friends and making a commitment to only spend time with people who made me better, not worse. That still works today especially whenever I am feeling down.

Share with us some memorable letters/gifts you receive from fans.

It’s so difficult to choose an encounter that’s memorable as I’ve had so many. I attribute that to my involvement in telethons for television. Using my talents but also my commitment to giving back has seen me on countless shows since 1977. I’ve met major celebrities like Ray Charles and David Foster.

But here is one of my favourites. I was speaking in Singapore for over 2,500 CEO’s of Young Professionals Organization (YPO) a few years ago and the co-founder of Apple, Steve Wozniak happened to be one of the speakers as well. We met backstage and while it wasn’t like I was meeting my hero and I don’t describe myself as a computer geek, he remains a pretty significant figure.

I got my picture with him, of course and he even signed the back of my iPad. But then, we had a coffee together because he was so intrigued with how I used my feet to work my iPad. He even took pictures and video of me doing it so he could send it back to his people in the U.S. who were as he described them, “computer nerds” who would just love to see how I use technology. That was cool.

How do strangers usually react when they see you in public and what is your response?

My whole life I’ve been stared at by strangers. That is another lesson learned from my parents – accept it, acknowledge it and move on! It’s not that easy. I tell a story about being a precocious adolescent who struggled with my own self esteem.

One day, my Dad and I were having a hamburger lunch at a local fast food place and it happened again. Some rude stranger stared at me trying to eat a hamburger with my right foot. I should have shown a more restrained behaviour but I admit that I threw a wee tantrum and made my Dad take me home right away.

I ran downstairs to our basement, slammed the door and raged! Dad let me cool down then he came downstairs to have a serious discussion. He reminded me that this was just human nature – people do not mean to be rude, they just can’t help themselves.

So Dad basically said I had two options: 1) Stay home for the rest of my life and never leave. That way, nobody could stare. I could live in the basement and Mom could throw toast down the stairs so I didn’t starve. Or 2) Accept my circumstances and face the world bravely.

I replied by saying…”The first option is stupid”! He responded…”Yes it is stupid and people can be stupid. But Alvin, people will always look at you. It’s not fair but that’s the way it is. Maybe you could help them by acknowledging their curiosity and not being rude back. You can only choose what you do, not what they do.”

So, that short conversation changed everything and I started actually waving at people with my foot! It took away the tension immediately.

Why do you do what you do? (What drives you everyday)

That’s a good question and my answer may seem predictable. But let me just directly quote my Mom here: “Honey, someday the reason you were born without arms will make sense but you do not have a curse, you have a blessing”!

Most speakers have a very personal reason for what drives them individually. However we all have one thing in common – We want to make the world a better place.

There’s no denying ego is involved but I say again, my real dream was to be a “Rock Star”, entertaining huge crowds with my music and to bring some joy and celebration into people’s lives, even if it’s just for a while. I guess I got my wish!

Who are the role models and influences in your life?

I can directly credit three people with my early inspirations for my life – my Mom and Dad and my band director, Blaine McClary.

My parents are obvious but if I may add something very deep for me. I was able to meet and get to know my birth family in 1993. I was able to see what my life might have been. I would have grown up on a very poor farm with no power, running water, or access to activities in town. I would have likely been resented by my siblings for being useless on the farm. Blaine McClary put a trombone on a wooden chair with metal rods and clamps that held it, like hands, so I could play in a band. Who does that? What kind of person thinks; “No arms…Trombone”! It altered my entire life path.

Because of my public life later on, I was fortunate to meet many people I consider to be my role models and mentors as well. For example, in the telethons I participated in, there were many prominent speakers who challenged me to up my game rather than patronize me because I had no arms.

Most importantly, in the last 30 years, my wife and business partner, Darlene, has literally changed me. The connection with her beliefs about living life with a purpose has brought us together in so many ways. It has allowed me to grow farther than I ever could have predicted. I am humbled every single day!

To you, what are the most important things in life?

For me it’s all about:

1) Gratitude; because we need to be thankful for what we have, not what we don’t.

2) Purpose; because everyone needs a reason to get out of bed every day.

3) Relationships; whether it’s a romantic partner, family friends, co-workers, or even pets, all of which can give us a unity of being. Be a “giver” not a “taker”; because that is the essence of balance.

4) Simplicity; the internet was supposed to make life easier and no question, it’s given our culture so much but it has led to device addiction, mental health issues for people who can’t “live without their phone”, the effects of cyberbullying and I won’t even mention Donald Trump and Twitter! We claim to “have no time” because we create a busy life that’s the opposite of ‘simple’.

5) Love; The world has enough hate. We need more love!

VIEWPOINTS

You mentioned in your bio that “how you look at life and make choices is a skill”. Could you elaborate on this?

Ultimately our perspectives of life is a learned behaviour that leads us to make decisions.

Consider this formula created by Jack Canfield in his best selling book, “Success Principles” – E +/- R = O To expand; “Event”, positive or negative “Response” equals “Outcome”!

If you learn this formula, practice it like a skill every day and it becomes a great habit that will make us experts at dealing with our circumstances, whatever they may be. This notion can seem naive but it really works and I have been practicing Canfield’s formula my whole life without even knowing it. I never read the book until later on!

What would be your advice to someone who is currently facing a crisis in his or her life?

In my bestselling book, “Alvin’s Laws of Life”, I have five laws – Attitude, Learn, Value, Imagination and Never Give Up. The “V” is this; “Value your life and spirit. Too many people live another ‘V’ in their lives and that is: ‘Victim’. It’s true. Bad things happen to good people and unfortunately there are sometimes victims. The trouble is, as a victim, there’s no answer to the question – “Why me?”

Even worse, victims often get stuck in their past, when what they need to do is live for today and look forward to the future. When you focus on moving forward, you never know what you’ll discover. Everyone has value. Finding it, that’s the trick”!

In what ways do you hope the world can change to accomodate to more people with some form of disability?

If the Covid-19 pandemic has taught us anything, it is that human beings are vulnerable. We are not statues that can withstand centuries of conflict. The price of being human is that we experience pain, loss, failure, rejection and so on. Clearly, our choices dictate our circumstances. If you choose a life of crime, be prepared to spend the rest of it in prison. But if you have proper moral code, ethics and values, you can live freely.

We are all up against something at some point in our lives, not just handicapped people. But with faith, belief, resilience and courage, I believe we can get through it all. Our reaction to our circumstances is a choice.

In 1977, I was very fortunate to be chosen to attend an International Red Cross Retreat at a camp in Norway. The King of Norway built it after his nephew became paralyzed in a skiing accident. It was the first completely “accessible” outdoor camp in the world. The experience was simply amazing and so welcoming even for people with disabilities. The next year, I went to Mount Royal College to study Broadcasting and it was also completely accessible for the handicapped.

We have come a long way to accommodate people with special needs. But we should continue to make every design of every new building as accessible as possible. This way, we all can truly feel equal in society.

To be really honest though, most people do not know what “accommodation, inclusion, diversity and equality’ means in practical terms. I often joke that the lack of consideration for handicap people is an evil conspiracy by human resource departments around the world to justify their existence. The point is, when we can learn these ideals aren’t about “special treatment” but to provide equality to everyone.

The post Best Thing That Happened: Bad Circumstances – Alvin Law appeared first on My Story Lounge.

“I’m passionate about changing people’s perceptions about ability. It opens up people’s minds about what is possible in life, despite our perceived limitations and challenges.”

Being born without arms has not stopped Nicky Abdinor in any way from her pursuit of her goals in life. Her achievements speak for themselves – she is an international keynote speaker, a certified clinical psychologist and the founder of a non-profit organisation called ‘Nicky’s Drive’.

Originating from Cape Town, South Africa, where she runs her clinical practice and non-profit organisation, Abdinor has been a credible agent of change and an inspiration to people around the world, who have watched her share her story on stage.

Despite her physical disabilities, she has travelled the world to speak at conferences across Africa, Europe, the USA, Australia and the Middle East.

Nicky is a member of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa (PSASA) and the Global Speakers Federation (GSF). More prominently, she had the honour of speaking at a TEDx event back in 2013 titled: ‘Driving Dreams: Nicky Abdinor at TEDx Table Mountain’.

She was recently awarded the “Speakers Hall of Fame” Award for 2022, one of the highest speaking achievements amongst her peers.

Whether we are able bodied or not, there are lessons we can all learn from a motivated individual like Nicky who possesses a ‘can-do’ attitude. She shared her journey with us on how she became a clinical psychologist and subsequently setting up her non-profit organisation called ‘Nicky’s Drive’, among other impressive achievements.

EARLY LIFE

Tell us more about your family background and share with us on what it was like growing up. 

I grew up in South Africa in a small town called East London. I was born without arms and shortened legs, something that my parents were not prepared for as there were no scans in those days. There is no medical explanation for my disability.

Despite it being such a shock to my parents (and the doctor!), I’m very grateful that they decided to focus on what I CAN do. They never asked themselves, “Can Nicky do this?” but rather, “HOW can Nicky do this?” I naturally used my feet to play, draw and learn to write while my friends used their hands. I have a younger brother and two older sisters. I think growing up in a small town had many advantages, especially growing up with a physical disability.

My parents never hid my disability and I think that everyone in the town got to know me as a very active and happy young girl! While inclusive education was not yet a law in South Africa, I’m thankful that teachers saw my potential and I attended mainstream schooling. The excellent schools I attended in my younger years certainly account for who I am today.

I was encouraged to take part in all activities and really loved swimming in my younger years. While I wasn’t always able to take part in all physical activities as I grew older, I really took “focusing on what I CAN do” to heart and excelled at speech and drama and academics.

How did your upbringing shape the person you are today? 

Feeling included and loved unconditionally has had a profound effect on the person I am today. Having my family, my teachers and my friends believe in me is a great gift.

JOURNEY

How and why did you decide to become a motivational speaker as well as a clinical psychologist respectively? 

Clinical Psychologist

When I was in high school, I met a new friend who struggled with depression and anxiety. It was the first time that I understood how a psychological challenge could impact your independence just as much as how a physical challenge can.

I saw how a psychologist helped my friend cope with panic attacks and anxiety, it inspired me to follow this career path. I think the importance of understanding “hidden” disabilities is so crucial in society, especially today with there being such a mental health crisis during the pandemic.

Motivational Speaker

As a clinical psychologist, we are not trained to speak about ourselves (we are expert listeners!) so becoming a motivational speaker and sharing my personal story evolved much later in my career. I founded a non-profit organisation called Nicky’s Drive in 2011. The organisation was inspired by how my life changed when I was given the opportunity to drive a specially adapted car. My car was donated to me in 2001 by a lady in the UK with a very similar disability to mine.

The technology for me to drive is not available in South Africa, so this donation made a profoundly positive effect on my mobility and independence. I started Nicky’s Drive to support people with disabilities in South Africa with the same  “Dream to Drive.” We fund car adaptations that are locally fitted in South Africa.

My motivational speaking career began when I was looking at various fundraising opportunities for Nicky’s Drive. At the time, I had been requested to give talks at various events. I joined Toastmasters and reignited my love for public speaking which had been a big part of my school years.

In the past 10 years, my speaking career has catapulted and I am so lucky to have been invited to speak across the world! A portion of my speaking fee is donated to Nicky’s Drive and many organisations have provided additional donations after hearing the story of Nicky’s Drive.

Share with us some experiences, moments or stories you think are significant to your journey so far. 

With three primary career focuses: my psychology practice, my speaking business and running a non-profit, I have had to take extra care to make sure that I balance my time well to prevent burnout.

Pre-pandemic, I was travelling regularly to conferences, so I had to limit my psychology practice to ensure that my therapy clients still get the support and care needed. I know what my limits are and believe strongly in giving my best in everything that I do – this means setting good boundaries, limiting the number of clients I can see and also making sure that I am looking after myself.

The pandemic has brought a new challenge, with work going online in my practice and having to present at virtual speaking events. I am proud of how I have adjusted (as well as my clients) to such an unexpected change. It brings me back to focusing on what I CAN do!

ACHIEVEMENTS

Which achievements/milestones are you most proud of and why? 

Being accepted to do a Masters in Clinical Psychology at Stellenbosch University. The programme is highly competitive and only 8 students are selected each year out of hundreds of applications.

Obtaining my driver’s licence – on the first try! I never imagined I’d be able to drive taking into account the severity of my physical disability. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how incredible it is to be able to drive HANDS-FREE!

What do you think are the key ingredients to your success?

I consider myself a “realistic optimist” – I think it’s a good balance to be hopeful and optimistic while acknowledging that not everything can go exactly the way you want it to (being open to your vulnerability). I work hard and really appreciate the opportunities, connections and experiences that I have been able to enjoy.

Share with us some stories of people you have inspired and what kind of impact does your own story have on their lives? 

The first memory I have where I realised that “my story” can have an impact on others is when a high school classmate wrote in my final year message: “You taught me a lot about life and I owe you one for that.” I’ve never forgotten these words.

A few years later, in my first job as a clinical psychologist, I had an interaction with a patient in the hospital that made a huge impact on me. The patient had been in a car accident and lost both an arm and leg. When she was referred to me for therapy, she had no idea that I would also have a physical disability. She kept saying throughout our session, “Nicky, how did you get a job?”

In her mind, her new disability meant the end of her future and she was amazed to have an example of someone who challenged that belief system. It was at that moment that I realised that I had a “responsibility” to share my story. We have so many great role models for disability in sport, we need more role models for disabilities in various careers.

I know that my disability gives me “credibility” in my work as a psychologist. Clients know that I have overcome my own challenges (without even knowing my story) and this perhaps makes me more approachable and credible.

I have had many people give me feedback after my talks to say that my message resonated with them and that they will take away practical tools to implement in their own life. I am touched when I hear that many people say they remember my message years later after hearing me speak. I feel it’s important to be able to make sustainable changes in our attitudes and approach to life.

PERSONAL (LIFE)

How does a typical day look like to you now? 

I divide my time between my psychology therapy practice, speaking at conferences and events (now mostly online during the pandemic), and my work for Nicky’s Drive.

To you, what are the most important things in life?

~ Finding meaning and purpose in what I do.

~ Having quality over quantity with connections/relationships in life.

~ Finding a balance that allows me to work and play (and have fun!).

What are you most passionate about in life and why? 

I’m passionate about changing people’s perceptions of ABILITY. It opens up people’s minds about what is possible in life despite our perceived limitations and challenges.

What are some life lessons you will take to your grave? 

~ Focus on what you CAN do

~ Learn to tolerate uncertainty

~ Develop an attitude of gratitude

VIEWPOINTS

How does your background in psychology help you to get through challenges in life? 

While studying psychology, I realised that many of the principles I was learning about, I had been applying to my life growing up. This is especially true for Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT). The basic premise is that it’s not the SITUATION, but how you THINK about the situation, that determines your emotional response.

A quote from Viktor Frankl’s book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ that has always resonated with me goes like this: “When we are no longer able to change our situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

What do you do when you find yourself feeling down on certain days?

I know that when I’m feeling stressed, frustrated or down, I need to look at the messages that I might be sending to myself. I can ask myself if the thoughts I have are rational or helpful – if not, I can look at ways of approaching the situation differently. It’s not about suppressing the negative emotions (they are a normal part of life), but it is more about having self-compassion.

You shared your theoretical approach saying “We must not ignore what is wrong, but focus more on what is right.” Could you elaborate on this? 

This approach is not my own – rather it comes from ‘Positive Psychology’. It ties in well with my “Focus on what you CAN do” philosophy. If I had to focus on all the things I CAN’T do, I know that I’d be very despondent. I need to acknowledge and accept my own challenges and limitations (not ignoring what is wrong) and invest more energy in focusing on what is RIGHT.

What general advice would you give to someone who has to deal with a certain disability in his or her life? 

I recommend that they form a “tribe” of people and resources that can give them the support they need. So often, people feel a relief to meet others overcoming similar challenges to their own and this can be extremely empowering.

They should also focus on what they CAN do! Recognise that they have unique talents and abilities that can be developed in a supportive and nurturing environment.

The post Perception Shapes Possibilities – Nicky Abdinor appeared first on My Story Lounge.