“My life has been a series of responses to obstacles that I have turned into opportunities.”

If you ever find yourself struggling with your mental health or questioning your identity, fret not. Natalie Fikes can come to your rescue. Natalie is a certified speaker, leadership coach and best-selling author who specialises in soft skills.  She has an amazing ability to connect people to their authentic self and is known for saying, “You are necessary.”

Borned in Kingston, Jamaica, Natalie had an unstable childhood of verbal and physical abuse. Through sheer hard work and perseverance, Fikes turned that narrative on its head by becoming a committed mother to two hilarious sons, Elijah and Jayden, a mentor to teens & young adults around the world, and a committed community leader. She has recently been nominated “Mother of the Year” by AmericanMothers.org.

In 2003, Natalie became the youngest African American female in a management role for the southeast region of Verizon, an American multinational telecommunications conglomerate. She went on to become the founder of Code Next Generation, a community organization that teaches middle and high school students the life skills they need to successfully transition from teenager to adulthood. Participants of her program have received White House recognition from President Barack Obama for exceptional community service. In 2015, she was named one of John Maxwell’s Top 100 Leaders for youth and families.

With her relentless mission to transform family, business and community, Fikes makes an amazing role model for people, especially working mothers and community leaders to follow, and thus we felt compelled to share her story.

EARLY LIFE

Tell us about your family background and share with us on what it was like growing up.

I was born in Kingston, Jamaica as the only child to my 20 year old mother, and 25 year old father. My mother’s side of the family were drug kingpins. My father’s side of the family were educated, wealthy and prestigious members of the community that served as lawyers and politicians. My grandmother died when I was young. I never knew her or my grandfather.

My uncle, who was the second oldest boy of my mother’s siblings, was like the patriarch of the family. Everyone who came up from Jamaica came through his house to get on their feet and start their new life in America. There are mostly single women and a bunch of kids on my mothers side. Most of them are nurses. There is only one aunt that I know of that was a business owner. A few members of my family have found success in real estate.

I don’t have the details of my father’s side of the family. I met him once at nine years old and again at 26 when I had my first son. My father has two children in addition to me; an older son and a younger daughter. He has been a car salesman and married to his wife for over 25 years.

Growing up, I moved a lot, and there always seemed to be some sort of arguing or fighting going on around me. I remember my mother and cousins (who I thought were aunts because they were close in age) partying a lot. In my formative years I would be in a house full of kids with the older ones being left in charge. As I grew older, I was simply left alone to fend for myself. Literally. When I was in middle school, my mother rented an attic apartment that I lived in mainly by myself because she took a live-in nursing job a few miles away. I was always the new kid, but never stayed anywhere long enough to settle in.

I remember always having a feeling that something bad was going to happen. For this reason I stayed inside a lot watching movies and listening to music. I don’t have any childhood memories I can recall worth remembering. There weren’t any acknowledgements or celebrations. I didn’t even know my birthday was a significant day until I was in high school. I always felt older than I was, like everything was both my fault and my responsibility. Eavesdropping was my source of gaining information. I never had the luxury of anyone sitting and talking to me unless I was being reprimanded.

When I was about eight years old, I remember overhearing my mother having a conversation about money with her two male roommates. I went down to the local grocery store and started bagging groceries for tips. I really enjoyed myself, and kept challenging myself to get faster with each customer. I worked all day and brought the money home to my mother. I thought I did a good thing, but instead of a hug and a thank you, she drilled me. She thought I had stolen the money . She said because there was no way I made $100 dollars in tips. I was always being accused of something she had no evidence of, and I was always too something. Too talkative. Too loud. Too much.

Reminisce and describe to us a few significant childhood memories. 

I love to dance. As a little girl, I took ballet, tap, jazz, african, hiphop, and gymnastics. I would be most excited when it was show time. I loved the pretty outfits. But, it seemed as though every time show time came around, I had to move. One year, I got picked for a solo. I was too excited. I got fitted for my costume, and immediately felt like a star. A few days later, I moved away. I never took another dance class. I never got a chance to take center stage, performing my solo, in my costume.

As a habitual new kid, I wasn’t quickly accepted into social circles. I always seemed to arrive once the cliques were already established. I remember always being off to the side, observing. It appeared to me that the only way to fit in was to be someone I wasn’t. I noticed the different behaviors of each circle and started to emulate a different personality at each new school that I attended. Whoever was the “cool kid” at my old school, I became them at my new school. No matter how I presented myself, I was always rejected.

Something about me was always wrong. Hanging out with friends would turn into getting into trouble, or being introduced to something I wasn’t interested in. I was constantly told who I was, who I wasn’t, or who I thought I was. “You think you’re so smart.” You think you’re all of that.” If I asked a question I was disrespectful. If I kept quiet I was rude. I remember being really confused about who I was supposed to be before even knowing who I truly was.

When I was a junior in High School, I ran for DECA president. I felt really good about my chances and received intel that I was significantly up by votes half way through the race. As we neared the end of the election, one of my classmates told me that she overheard my teacher saying she wouldn’t allow me to win. When the results came in, I didn’t win. I was so upset that I confronted my teacher with the information I received. Her response to me was: “It’s politics.” I had no idea what she meant, but I was determined to prove to her that she was wrong to deny me my win. I became the MVP and captain of the track team. But I still had something to prove. I tried out for the cheerleading team, even though I didn’t want to be a cheerleader. I was told that I jumped the highest, was the loudest, caught on quickly and had the most enthusiasm. When they posted the new squad list, my name wasn’t on it. All I could hear was my teacher’s voice saying, “It’s politics.” The meaning to me was that no matter how good I am, or how hard I try, I’ll never get a fair shot. I worked hard, but I never expected to win.

The joy of my childhood was watching movies and listening to music. I was intrigued by how in movies, no matter how bad things got, it always seemed to work out in the end. I loved the way the artists were able to express themselves, and communicate their feelings through music.

How did your upbringing shape the person you are today? 

My upbringing has made me a very conscious and responsible person. I feel like all of my adversities have shaped me into titanium; corrosion-resistant, very strong, and very light. I feel like there isn’t anything that can stop me from creating and living the life I want. I know who I am and who I am is not debatable.

My upbringing has also made me a believer in redemption. I believe that if I could go through all I’ve been through and still do the good I’ve done in this world, the same is possible for anyone who wants to change the trajectory of their lives. I went from being the girl who “talks too much” and “thinks she knows everything”, to a motivational speaker and subject matter expert. I was even named “Orator of the Year” and “Best Speaker of Today.” I realized that growing up in abusive environments, always moving around, and being an outcast was actually a gift. I’ve had to contend for my mental health, but I didn’t allow my environment (external events) to affect my in-vironment (internal events). I was able to identify each experience as life lessons that have allowed me to teach others today.

I’ve learned that your life will never be great if you suck as a person. I’ve learned how powerful personal accountability for my actions really is. That the only way to be in control of your life is to be in control of your decisions. I’ve learned that anger is a silent killer, so I overdose on joy daily.

I’ve learned that there are more people trying to figure out who they are, than there are people who actually know. It is important to have compassion for people wherever they are. I’ve learned that someone’s opinion of me doesn’t have to become my truth. I reserve the right to challenge or ignore false perceptions of me.

Any word spoken to define me that does fit, I must acquit. I’ve learned that how people treat you is about them, not you. I am intentional about how I treat others in a way that reflects me. I’ve learned that when you are miserable, you make everyone around you miserable, therefore self-care is an act of public service. I am very conscious of how my behavior affects others, and have become a master communicator when handling conflict.

My transformation has positively affected my children and has allowed me to cultivate healthy relationships in my life. I have turned all of my pain into purpose and have dedicated my life to helping others do the same.

My upbringing has also taught me the importance of initiative and how important it is to cease opportunities. Having to fend for myself most of the time, I couldn’t just sit there and wait for something to happen, I had to make it happen. There is so much power in making things happen versus feeling sorry for yourself. Everytime I feel depression soliciting me, I remind myself that nothing or no one is worth my mental health. Instead, everything is an adventure; an opportunity to discover something new about myself, my abilities, people and the world around me.

How would you sum up your childhood? 

I would sum up my childhood as preparation for a life bigger than me – the process within my purpose.

JOURNEY

How and when did you discover your amazing ability to connect others to their authenticity? 

When I started Code Next Generation, I worked as a freelance cosmetologist out of my home. One day, one of my clients came in and her spirit was very heavy. So heavy I could feel it in her hair. I asked her if she was okay. She said she was. I stopped what I was doing, looked her in her eyes and said, “What’s wrong?” She told me that she found out that her husband cheated on her and she was just so angry. I said, “Why angry? She said she doesn’t know how to be sad because she “can’t cry.” She said her mother told her when she was born she didn’t cry. The doctors told her that she didn’t have any tear ducts. I didn’t even cry at my best friend’s funeral, she said.

I asked her a series of questions about how she was feeling and why. Based upon her answers I said, “It sounds to me like you’re hurt and you’re sad. What if you just allowed yourself to feel that?” She admitted that she was hurt and sad, but anger was all she knew how to express.

The next thing you know, tears were rolling down her cheeks. She later told me that she cried for three days straight. Her husband had never seen her cry for the decade they were married. Her children had only seen her as strong. Seeing how much he had hurt his wife, he worked harder than ever to repair it. He didn’t think she cared what he did until he saw her cry. She didn’t know she could cry until she allowed herself to feel. It was at that moment that I realized that the breakthroughs my mentees and clients were experiencing  was a transformation gift I needed to explore. One that could significantly change lives and heal families.

My client and her husband are still together today and happier than ever.

What was the path like to becoming a speaker, leadership coach and author, especially when you were already a top salesperson at Verizon Communications? Did the discovery of your abilities naturally lead to this direction forward? 

My life has been a series of responses to obstacles I have turned into opportunities. I didn’t plan to leave Verizon. I loved what I did. I started off as a disgruntled employee who lacked interpersonal relationship skills. After receiving my second strike and a 30 day suspension I knew something had to change, I just didn’t know what. The day before I was to return to work, 9/11 happened. That was when I finally realised exactly what I had to change, me. I went back to work with a new perspective that changed the trajectory of my career.

Over the next year, I worked hard to not only become a top seller, but to change the perception I created of myself. I then went on to become a trainer and an office team leader. I was the only female team leader in the office which came with its own set of challenges, but I chose to focus on my team, who I was able to lead to the top of the sales district. I became the youngest African American, female, in management, but something inside of me felt like a snooze button that wouldn’t turn off until I responded to it. This is when I began to respond to my greater purpose. My first response was to get my life together.

At 26 years old, and being at the company for most of my adult life, I left Verizon. I was separated from my husband (the first time), and had a newborn. With no idea what to do or how to do it, I decided to focus on learning how to become the mother that I wanted to be. My second response after reconciling with my husband was to go to cosmetology school. It was where I learned that it’s not just about the work you do, it’s about what people experience when they encounter you.

When I worked in the hair school clinic, clients would wait in line to sit in my chair. There were plenty of stylists that could do good hair, but they wanted the Natalie experience. When I graduated and transitioned to the salon, I saw how people would open up to me and share things they’ve never told anyone. I started to enjoy the conversations we would have more than actually doing hair. After separating from my husband (the second time and third time) we arrived at the conclusion that being amazing co-parents was our assignment. Over the course of a year, I went through a divorce, foreclosure, repossession and became the guardian of my teenage sister (while pregnant with my second child).

My next response was to start a youth organization (out of my home) to create a community for my sister to grow with as I taught them the same life skills I was teaching her. I began to freelance as a hair stylist to pay the bills, but was more drawn to the time I was spending with my kids and the youth in my program. As we grew and grew, I felt that snooze button going off inside of me once again. It was then that I responded to an invitation to join the National Association of Professional Women. I attended their national conference and was hooked.

I remember being mesmerized by the stage. I later saw an announcement that they were looking for a chapter leader president. Not thinking that I was qualified or that I would be selected, I applied, and got the position. For the next year I poured everything into the woman that I served and grew the chapter by 85%. While other chapters were closing around us and struggling with engagement, we were growing. It was through this experience that I realized that not only was the Natalie experience a real thing, people listened when I spoke.

This was a profound discovery because I was used to being seen but not heard and being told that I talked too much. I realized that I had something to say and people not only wanted to hear me, they needed to hear me. I started to gain the attention of the National Director who would introduce me with such admiration and high regard. It was through her introductions that I realized that I was doing a good thing. I had never had anyone speak so highly of me to others before. I wanted to do even more.

My next response, as I visited frequently at my son’s school, and was invited, and accepted the opportunity to join the PTA board as the VP of Fundraising. That year we raised enough money to purchase brand new smartboards for all of the classrooms. That same year I was recognized as John Maxwell’s Top 100 Leaders for Youth and Family through my work with Code Next Generation. I learned that not only did people listen when I spoke, I was also really good at leading people to great outcomes. It didn’t occur to me that leadership is a skill. The same skill that allowed me to take all of the bottom performers at Verizon to the top of the sales district which I began to understand was a big deal. I started to look at my life and all that I was creating as purposeful.

I knew there had to be something bigger than me happening because I had no idea what I was doing. As my sister was nearing her high school graduation, I started to feel a strong desire to move. I knew it was some sort of calling because with the childhood I had, I felt no desire to move. I was enjoying my stability and the notoriety I received within my community. But that snooze button kept going off inside of me. I finally responded, and was off to Atlanta Georgia with my children, my sister, the computer and our clothes. I didn’t know anyone in Atlanta, nor did I know where to settle. I had no job or house waiting for me. Over the course of a year, we got settled as I looked into a fascinating concept of becoming a coach.

My next response was to become certified as a John Maxwell coach, speaker and trainer. I then reached out to the National Director for The National Association of Professional Women and told her that I would love to speak at one of her chapter meetings. She gladly accepted and a few months later I was off to New York. It was the first time that I spoke in front of a crowd that didn’t know me.

At the conclusion of my speech, there was nothing but great reviews. I decided I was going to stop by the cocktail social before heading to dinner with my director. There was a lady that was literally following me. Thinking she was crazy at first, I decided to introduce myself to her and we started talking. She told me how blown away she was by my speech. She said something was happening inside of her that she didn’t understand.

Forty-five minutes later it was like I had helped her clarify her whole life. I thanked her for allowing me into her truth and told her that I had to leave. As I gathered my things to go, she handed me a check for $350. It was then that I realized that not only was I making a difference, I had a skill that could allow me to make a living. At dinner my director told me how great of a presentation I made and asked me if I would be interested in taking over the Atlanta Chapter. I accepted.

A few months later I launched the chapter. In a city that didn’t know me, the turnout and engagement was amazing. Some of the members who attended said that was the first meeting they ever attended because of the email I sent introducing myself as the president and letting them know that this was “our chapter.” It was then that I realized that my influence was not only verbal but written. A few months later I was offered the position as the Central Regional Manager.

The Atlanta chapter membership was growing, and so was the engagement within my region. Leadership participation increased by 65% within my first three months. It was then that I realized that I really enjoyed helping people become better leaders. I chose to use my position as a way to create opportunities for others. I also felt very strongly that we should be more than a women’s group that met at the Commerce Club, we should be out in the community. I started looking for organizations to serve.

My next response was to connect with The City of Refuge, a homeless shelter for women and children and those rescued from sex-trafficking. I decided to start volunteering by teaching empowerment classes. Hearing the stories of so many women, I realized that we all had a deep wanting to become something more. I was no different from them other than a few lessons I learned along the way.

I wanted to share the tools I developed with other women, so I wrote Empowered To Prosper: How To Become The Woman You Were Created To Be. Maybe it was because my publisher had a great marketing strategy, or maybe it was because I really just wanted to help people, but my book became a #1 Bestseller on Amazon. I started giving copies away to the women who attended my classes to encourage them that “homelessness doesn’t mean hopelessness.”

Later that year, a woman attended my class who was diagnosed with Stage 3 Metastatic Breast Cancer. With no will to live, she began attending my classes regularly and soon became a mentee. I ended up taking her into my home. She became motivated by the thought of having a greater purpose despite her diagnosis. I didn’t know that changing her life would significantly change my life.

A month later, I was invited to participate in a speak-off competition. I won. In the audience was a speaker agent from Keppler Speakers. A few months later I was given my first opportunity to speak on the main stage at a national conference, and the rest is history. I was named Best Speaker of Today by Northstar Meetings Group and Orator of the Year by ACHI Magazine. My path is one of identifying my abilities through a series of responses that have led to amazing opportunities.

What were some hard decisions you faced and challenges you had to overcome along the way? 

Every decision that I made  felt like I was playing on a keyboard with scattered keys. Instead of moving smoothly up the scale, which is the social narrative for success; a ladder to climb or a yellow brick road to ease on down, I felt like I was playing hopscotch. Below are some examples of decisions I made:

• Leaving a job I loved to figure out my family life.

• Leaving my job, and marriage, in the middle of a recession.

• Taking my sister in and starting a youth organization when my life seemed to be falling apart.

• Moving my family to a state without knowing where I was going and what would happen.

• Taking in a homeless woman who was dying of cancer into my home.

• Writing a book, and competing in a speakers competition with less than 12 hours notice.

• Accepting a position in a city that didn’t know me.

• Constantly pivoting careers without any formal training.

Every decision came with some sort of challenge. I had to quickly learn something new about my position, myself, and others. Deciding not to do what everyone else was doing, taking short cuts. or doing things the way “the cool kids” say it should be done, was the most challenging, and the most rewarding.

ACHIEVEMENTS

Which achievements/milestones are you most proud of and why? 

My greatest achievement is recent. Being nominated Mother of the Year for the state of Georgia through AmericanMothers.org is something I have no words for. Just the nomination alone validates the younger me who sacrificed everything to become the woman, and mother I am today. I believe that at the end of my life I will be most known for the type of mother and mentor I am. To be acknowledged at this stage of my life, where I feel I am just warming up, is a major accomplishment to me.

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