“Here’s the truth. Being a positive, effervescent, inspired human being is hard work. But it’s not half as exhausting as being miserable.”

“Doctor of Happiness” is a title Andy Cope doesn’t take lightly. After all, his thesis was twelve years in the making before he finally completed his PhD at Loughborough University, UK, majoring in positive psychology.

More broadly, Cope describes himself as a qualified teacher, author, happiness expert and learning junkie. He set up a training company in 2005. ‘Art of Brilliance Ltd’ to deliver a wide range of positive psychology and wellbeing programmes to businesses and schools around the world. His flagship programme, ‘The Art of Being Brilliant’ became a best-selling book in 2012.

Subsequently, he has penned other books like ‘Be Brilliant Everyday’ and ‘The Art of Being a Brilliant Teenager’, which helps individuals tackle the topic on how to become happier, more motivated and positive.

On the heels of the success of his wellbeing programmes and bestselling books, he has also worked with large organisations like DHL, Kelloggs, Hewlett Packard, Astra Zeneca, Lego, L’Oreal, Nationwide and UEFA, among others.

In times of rising depression and an epidemic of ‘busyness’, he challenges all of us to discover joy and happiness in each of our lives despite what goes on around us. We caught up with Cope to find out what it means to be truly happy and the secrets to happiness.

EARLY LIFE

Tell us more about your family background and share with us on what it was like growing up. 

I was born in England but my childhood was spent in Ghana, West Africa. My dad got a job as an engineer in the Ashanti gold mines so we moved there when I was four. After Africa we moved to Saudi Arabia, then back home when I was a teenager

At 16 I’d had enough of school so I left and got a job as a welder. That was the kick up the backside I needed! After learning how tough the real world was, I returned to college and flourished.

My university girlfriend became my wife. We have been married for nearly 30 years with a grown up daughter and son.

How did your upbringing shape the person you are today? 

We were (and still are) a very stable family unit. I think the Ghana experience gave me a love of adventure and travel. For example, our honeymoon was a year-long backpacking trip that took place across 16 countries.

How would you sum up your childhood?

Wonderful. If you’re reading this, thanks mum, dad and little sis.

JOURNEY

How and why did you decide to become a qualified teacher and author. More importantly, why the focus on kids and positive psychology? 

Like most people, I struggled with the ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ question. I drifted through a few jobs, including teaching. My lucky break came when I chanced upon adult education and started to deliver sessions on the brand new subject of ‘Positive Psychology’. This flipped my approach, and subsequently my life.

Whereas traditional psychology had always studied what was wrong with people (phobias, disorders, anxiety, depression, etc), I now started to look at what’s right with people (happiness, energy, gratitude, purpose, etc)

This led to a PhD in ‘Wellbeing and Human Flourishing’, a new career and umpteen books. I’m particularly keen to bring the science of happiness and flourishing to teenagers and children, hence I’ve written ‘The Art of Being a Brilliant Teenager’ and ‘Diary of a Brilliant Kid’. May as well get them into positive habits early on!

Along the way, what were some hard decisions you faced and challenges you had to overcome? 

Walking away from a perfectly good career in academia to ‘do my own thing’ was a huge gamble. Anyone who’s ever set up their own business will know what I mean! You start with no customers, no salary, no pension… just a dream!

But the biggest challenge was actually my PhD. I took it on at a time in my life when I was starting a business and had two young children. It was tough on my wife. I’d never have become a ‘Dr of Happiness’ without her unwavering support and the sheer hard work that she put into keeping the family fed, watered and happy.

Share with us some experiences/stories that you think are significant to your journey so far.

Here’s a 100% true story that I recount in my new book ‘The Happiness Revolution’. This was a significant learning experience for me…

It had been my most hectic working year ever and I found myself in a bizarre situation of flying to Australia to do a keynote. As ridiculous as it sounds, the plan was to land in Melbourne, do my thing, and fly back to the UK the same night.

I had a 4-hour stopover at Changi Airport in Singapore and rather than wait in departures, I noticed there was a ‘butterfly garden’, so I went there. It’s an amazing place! I found a bench and made myself comfy.

It was the most ‘un-airporty’ scene. I was sitting under a tree, listening to the waterfall and watching the butterflies. A short while later a bunch of school kids came into the enclosure, aged about 6, causing a disturbance of the peace.

The children took one look at the butterflies and set about chasing them; jumping, running, whooping with glee. We’re in an indoor bubble. It’s pretty warm. The kids are soon drenched in sweat as they continue to leap and grab at the butterflies. None of them caught a thing.

Except for one child. It took me a while to notice but one of the kids was standing in the corner of the atrium, totally still. And this child was covered in butterflies.

Which got me thinking about happiness. I was just like those kids who were running, leaping and chasing after the butterflies. I was exhausting myself. I was in hot-pursuit of happiness but never actually catching up with it. Maybe I should take a leaf out of that child’s book and slow down. Maybe if I learned to be still, be at peace and in the moment, then happiness might finally catch-up with me.

ACHIEVEMENTS

Which achievements/milestones are you most proud of? 

Little did I know that my 21st birthday would turn out to be the most important day of my life. While celebrating with my mates, I also met Lou (who later became my wife).

My kids came along in 1995 and 1998 respectively. I’m super-proud of who they have become and what they’re doing with their lives.

Art of Brilliance Ltd began in 2005. It started out as me and has now grown to a team of 25. We’re a bit like The A-Team; an odd assortment of wellbeing mavericks who want to make a difference

We set up ‘Brilliant Schools’ in 2016. Our main training business is not-for-profit so we plough money into Brill Schools. The aim is to get wellbeing, resilience, happiness (etc) embedded in the next generation.

In summary, we are an exporter of happiness. Our flagship keynote/webinar, The Art of Being Brilliant’, has received rave reviews worldwide. We’ve delivered training in 22 countries

As a business, we’ve survived the financial crash of 2008 and the 2020 pandemic. In fact, we’ve not only survived, we’ve become more creative in how we operate, taking our webinars and workshops to the next level and growing as a business.

I’m super-proud of all of that.

What do you think are the key ingredients to your success, as an author and trainer? 

My #1 attributes are hard work and determination. I have also been blessed with some huge dollops of luck along the way.

I suspect that success has come my way because I’ve got good at being me. I’m not trying to be fancy, clever or fake – what you see is what you get. This also applies to my success as an author. I’m not a fan of big words or heavy academia, so I ‘translate’ all that nonsense into simple, do-able principles.

Basically, for me it’s always about trying to bring a light touch to a heavy subject.

You have worked with kids, teachers and corporations among other entities. What are some successful case studies you could share?

Our approach is always to help customers (whether it’s businesses, schools or individuals) embed positivity into their lives. My research into Positive Psychology has given me insights into how human beings can live their best lives. I like to think that the PhD gives me some academic credibility, but more importantly our success comes from translating the research into everyday language.

I’m proud to say that we have hundreds of success stories. Our workshops, webinars and keynotes genuinely make a huge difference to people’s lives. One of our clients whom we have helped to transform their workplace, is currently rated as the number one best place to work in the UK.

I’m also thrilled that we have a growing band of ‘Outstandingly Happy Schools’ who’ve used our programmes to bring wellbeing into classrooms, staff rooms and their communities.

PERSONAL (LIFE)

To you, what are the most important things in life? 

Family time is at the top of my list. I’ve also become a collector of experiences. I have got off the materialist treadmill. My happiness isn’t linked to buying more stuff, it’s about appreciating the things I already have and enjoying experiences with the people I love.

What’s worth mentioning on your bucket list that you have not done? 

In 2019, I took a sabbatical and spent 3 months travelling in India. I bought a motorcycle and went north, into the Himalayas. Every day was an amazing adventure.

I attempted a particularly challenging route called the Rohtang Pass. I got so close to completing the route but fell off my motorbike at 6,000 feet and in the end, I never got to the top. That mountain pass remains unticked on my bucket list! I will return to India and complete the Rohtang Pass as soon as I can.

Why do you do what you do? (What drives you everyday)

There’s a huge difference between a job, career and calling.

A job – is when you’re doing it for the money. It’ll feel like a chore.

A career – is more rewarding. Your employer will invest in you. There might be a career path to follow. But salary is still important.

A calling – is when you love what you do. This is when work doesn’t feel like work and although they’re paying you, the truth is that you’d probably do it for free.

For me and my company Art of Brilliance, it feels more of a calling than anything else. Me and my team are a merry band of mavericks who share a passion for wellbeing and happiness. I am out delivering training every single day and writing books by night. I absolutely love what I do!

Who are the role models and influences in your life? 

That’s a really good question. I’ve never really thought about it. I guess I’m influenced (impressed) by people who dare to be different, who follow their dreams and who battle on, against the odds

What are some things that many people don’t know about you? 

I support a rubbish football team called ‘Derby County’.

In addition to my Positive Psychology work, I also wrote a series of best-selling books for kids.

My ‘Spy Dog’ series has sold a million copies worldwide.

I’m currently working on a writing project with Bear Grylls.

What are some life lessons you will take to your grave? 

Be a nice human being, even to other human beings who aren’t so nice.

My 7-word mantra is: ‘do it better than you have to’.

Be a good friend’ – to yourself.

Live an interesting life. No one wants to talk to an old person with no stories to tell.

No one’s perfect, but everyone can be awesome.

Hard work and effort will always take you farther than talent.

What are you most passionate about in life and why?  

I’m passionate about life itself! The average lifespan is 4000 weeks. If you’re not careful, life can speed by in a blur.

That’s why I’m focused on living it well, and helping others upgrade to their own ‘best possible self’.

VIEWPOINTS

In your personal opinion, what is the essence of happiness? 

What does it mean to be truly happy in its most fundamental terms? Happiness takes many forms.

There’s a continuum of happiness from ‘wild elation’ at one end to ‘quiet contentment’ at the other. I think permanent ‘wild elation’ would be exhausting so, for me, true happiness takes the form of quiet contentment.

Being happy – in this moment – with who you are and what you have

How do you think schools and the education system can better incorporate positive psychology into their curriculum? 

Having studied happy people for over 20 years, I can assure you that they’re not feeling amazing by accident. They’re feeling amazing because they deploy a whole bunch of strategies that allow them to feel amazing. Therefore, happiness and flourishing are learned behaviours.

The smallest change that would have the biggest difference in the education system – is to put ‘wellbeing’ on the curriculum. If children, teens and teachers knew how to take care of their happiness and wellbeing, they would be in a much better position to deal with whatever life throws at them (Plot spoiler: life will throw A LOT at you!)

For someone who is chronically pessimistic or depressed, getting to feeling true joy and happiness can be quite a leap. What small steps do you suggest such a person takes to move in the right direction? 

For me, it’s about small attitudinal choices that we make moment-to-moment. You can’t control what’s going on around you (the world can be brutal, unfair and unforgiving) but you can learn to take better control of your reactions. Gratitude, purpose and creating strong personal relationships, are all crucial to raising your ‘wellbeing standard’.

If you’re on meds or in therapy, I think you should continue to access professional help. The majority don’t need medication or therapy, they just need some gentle reminders about how to shine in a world that seems hell bent on knocking the passion out of them.

The post ‘Doctor Of Happiness’ – Andy Cope appeared first on My Story Lounge.

“I’m passionate about changing people’s perceptions about ability. It opens up people’s minds about what is possible in life, despite our perceived limitations and challenges.”

Being born without arms has not stopped Nicky Abdinor in any way from her pursuit of her goals in life. Her achievements speak for themselves – she is an international keynote speaker, a certified clinical psychologist and the founder of a non-profit organisation called ‘Nicky’s Drive’.

Originating from Cape Town, South Africa, where she runs her clinical practice and non-profit organisation, Abdinor has been a credible agent of change and an inspiration to people around the world, who have watched her share her story on stage.

Despite her physical disabilities, she has travelled the world to speak at conferences across Africa, Europe, the USA, Australia and the Middle East.

Nicky is a member of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa (PSASA) and the Global Speakers Federation (GSF). More prominently, she had the honour of speaking at a TEDx event back in 2013 titled: ‘Driving Dreams: Nicky Abdinor at TEDx Table Mountain’.

She was recently awarded the “Speakers Hall of Fame” Award for 2022, one of the highest speaking achievements amongst her peers.

Whether we are able bodied or not, there are lessons we can all learn from a motivated individual like Nicky who possesses a ‘can-do’ attitude. She shared her journey with us on how she became a clinical psychologist and subsequently setting up her non-profit organisation called ‘Nicky’s Drive’, among other impressive achievements.

EARLY LIFE

Tell us more about your family background and share with us on what it was like growing up. 

I grew up in South Africa in a small town called East London. I was born without arms and shortened legs, something that my parents were not prepared for as there were no scans in those days. There is no medical explanation for my disability.

Despite it being such a shock to my parents (and the doctor!), I’m very grateful that they decided to focus on what I CAN do. They never asked themselves, “Can Nicky do this?” but rather, “HOW can Nicky do this?” I naturally used my feet to play, draw and learn to write while my friends used their hands. I have a younger brother and two older sisters. I think growing up in a small town had many advantages, especially growing up with a physical disability.

My parents never hid my disability and I think that everyone in the town got to know me as a very active and happy young girl! While inclusive education was not yet a law in South Africa, I’m thankful that teachers saw my potential and I attended mainstream schooling. The excellent schools I attended in my younger years certainly account for who I am today.

I was encouraged to take part in all activities and really loved swimming in my younger years. While I wasn’t always able to take part in all physical activities as I grew older, I really took “focusing on what I CAN do” to heart and excelled at speech and drama and academics.

How did your upbringing shape the person you are today? 

Feeling included and loved unconditionally has had a profound effect on the person I am today. Having my family, my teachers and my friends believe in me is a great gift.

JOURNEY

How and why did you decide to become a motivational speaker as well as a clinical psychologist respectively? 

Clinical Psychologist

When I was in high school, I met a new friend who struggled with depression and anxiety. It was the first time that I understood how a psychological challenge could impact your independence just as much as how a physical challenge can.

I saw how a psychologist helped my friend cope with panic attacks and anxiety, it inspired me to follow this career path. I think the importance of understanding “hidden” disabilities is so crucial in society, especially today with there being such a mental health crisis during the pandemic.

Motivational Speaker

As a clinical psychologist, we are not trained to speak about ourselves (we are expert listeners!) so becoming a motivational speaker and sharing my personal story evolved much later in my career. I founded a non-profit organisation called Nicky’s Drive in 2011. The organisation was inspired by how my life changed when I was given the opportunity to drive a specially adapted car. My car was donated to me in 2001 by a lady in the UK with a very similar disability to mine.

The technology for me to drive is not available in South Africa, so this donation made a profoundly positive effect on my mobility and independence. I started Nicky’s Drive to support people with disabilities in South Africa with the same  “Dream to Drive.” We fund car adaptations that are locally fitted in South Africa.

My motivational speaking career began when I was looking at various fundraising opportunities for Nicky’s Drive. At the time, I had been requested to give talks at various events. I joined Toastmasters and reignited my love for public speaking which had been a big part of my school years.

In the past 10 years, my speaking career has catapulted and I am so lucky to have been invited to speak across the world! A portion of my speaking fee is donated to Nicky’s Drive and many organisations have provided additional donations after hearing the story of Nicky’s Drive.

Share with us some experiences, moments or stories you think are significant to your journey so far. 

With three primary career focuses: my psychology practice, my speaking business and running a non-profit, I have had to take extra care to make sure that I balance my time well to prevent burnout.

Pre-pandemic, I was travelling regularly to conferences, so I had to limit my psychology practice to ensure that my therapy clients still get the support and care needed. I know what my limits are and believe strongly in giving my best in everything that I do – this means setting good boundaries, limiting the number of clients I can see and also making sure that I am looking after myself.

The pandemic has brought a new challenge, with work going online in my practice and having to present at virtual speaking events. I am proud of how I have adjusted (as well as my clients) to such an unexpected change. It brings me back to focusing on what I CAN do!

ACHIEVEMENTS

Which achievements/milestones are you most proud of and why? 

Being accepted to do a Masters in Clinical Psychology at Stellenbosch University. The programme is highly competitive and only 8 students are selected each year out of hundreds of applications.

Obtaining my driver’s licence – on the first try! I never imagined I’d be able to drive taking into account the severity of my physical disability. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how incredible it is to be able to drive HANDS-FREE!

What do you think are the key ingredients to your success?

I consider myself a “realistic optimist” – I think it’s a good balance to be hopeful and optimistic while acknowledging that not everything can go exactly the way you want it to (being open to your vulnerability). I work hard and really appreciate the opportunities, connections and experiences that I have been able to enjoy.

Share with us some stories of people you have inspired and what kind of impact does your own story have on their lives? 

The first memory I have where I realised that “my story” can have an impact on others is when a high school classmate wrote in my final year message: “You taught me a lot about life and I owe you one for that.” I’ve never forgotten these words.

A few years later, in my first job as a clinical psychologist, I had an interaction with a patient in the hospital that made a huge impact on me. The patient had been in a car accident and lost both an arm and leg. When she was referred to me for therapy, she had no idea that I would also have a physical disability. She kept saying throughout our session, “Nicky, how did you get a job?”

In her mind, her new disability meant the end of her future and she was amazed to have an example of someone who challenged that belief system. It was at that moment that I realised that I had a “responsibility” to share my story. We have so many great role models for disability in sport, we need more role models for disabilities in various careers.

I know that my disability gives me “credibility” in my work as a psychologist. Clients know that I have overcome my own challenges (without even knowing my story) and this perhaps makes me more approachable and credible.

I have had many people give me feedback after my talks to say that my message resonated with them and that they will take away practical tools to implement in their own life. I am touched when I hear that many people say they remember my message years later after hearing me speak. I feel it’s important to be able to make sustainable changes in our attitudes and approach to life.

PERSONAL (LIFE)

How does a typical day look like to you now? 

I divide my time between my psychology therapy practice, speaking at conferences and events (now mostly online during the pandemic), and my work for Nicky’s Drive.

To you, what are the most important things in life?

~ Finding meaning and purpose in what I do.

~ Having quality over quantity with connections/relationships in life.

~ Finding a balance that allows me to work and play (and have fun!).

What are you most passionate about in life and why? 

I’m passionate about changing people’s perceptions of ABILITY. It opens up people’s minds about what is possible in life despite our perceived limitations and challenges.

What are some life lessons you will take to your grave? 

~ Focus on what you CAN do

~ Learn to tolerate uncertainty

~ Develop an attitude of gratitude

VIEWPOINTS

How does your background in psychology help you to get through challenges in life? 

While studying psychology, I realised that many of the principles I was learning about, I had been applying to my life growing up. This is especially true for Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT). The basic premise is that it’s not the SITUATION, but how you THINK about the situation, that determines your emotional response.

A quote from Viktor Frankl’s book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ that has always resonated with me goes like this: “When we are no longer able to change our situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

What do you do when you find yourself feeling down on certain days?

I know that when I’m feeling stressed, frustrated or down, I need to look at the messages that I might be sending to myself. I can ask myself if the thoughts I have are rational or helpful – if not, I can look at ways of approaching the situation differently. It’s not about suppressing the negative emotions (they are a normal part of life), but it is more about having self-compassion.

You shared your theoretical approach saying “We must not ignore what is wrong, but focus more on what is right.” Could you elaborate on this? 

This approach is not my own – rather it comes from ‘Positive Psychology’. It ties in well with my “Focus on what you CAN do” philosophy. If I had to focus on all the things I CAN’T do, I know that I’d be very despondent. I need to acknowledge and accept my own challenges and limitations (not ignoring what is wrong) and invest more energy in focusing on what is RIGHT.

What general advice would you give to someone who has to deal with a certain disability in his or her life? 

I recommend that they form a “tribe” of people and resources that can give them the support they need. So often, people feel a relief to meet others overcoming similar challenges to their own and this can be extremely empowering.

They should also focus on what they CAN do! Recognise that they have unique talents and abilities that can be developed in a supportive and nurturing environment.

The post Perception Shapes Possibilities – Nicky Abdinor appeared first on My Story Lounge.